The Waiting Game –
Let me ask you a question … When last did you wait for something? I don’t mean the, ‘hold on, I’m just sending a text,’ kind of wait. I mean when last did you really wait. The type of rapid heart-beat, wringing your fingers and pacing up and down type of waiting. And while we’re at it, when you were waiting for Chronos to make his move, did you know exactly what you were expecting?
I’m guessing everyone knows about waiting for that one significant moment. For some, big school mocked us each time an older sister or brother was dropped off in the early morning run, as we sat with our blankie crying because we also wanted to go with our siblings. It may have been that moment standing next to the post-box, as we crossed our fingers and hoped to find that special invitation to a party. At some point, I’m sure we’ve all sat with divided attention, waiting for that guy to call or to come online. We might have held our breath as we looked out for that important notice telling us we got into university or that big job that would launch our career.
For me, it seemed like just moments ago that I was waiting for my manuscript assessor to come back to me. And she did. Then I waited not so patiently to hear from my editor, and then I did. I had a good rhythm going, I said goodbye and hello and goodbye again to my draft. Each time I changed and restructured it. Always looking to improve it and make it clearer. Slowly and surely, I’ve stopped and taken stock while my life’s pages sat on someone’s desk. Each time, it seemed like aeons passed. Eternities went by and re-booted while I wondered what the hell I was going to do next.
My next phase is approaching. This time, I am waiting for the proof-reading to be done. I know what is next. That is, I know what the very next step is. Small changes, typos and new chapter spaces put in here and there. I am waiting to hear that something bookish this way comes. Soon, I’ll be opening a package in the mail. My eyes will fall on an actual book. Its weight will sit in my hands. I will breathe in the smell and hear the whishing sound as I turn the pages. I am checking my phone every five minutes, refreshing my screen every time my eyes land on it. I must have checked it twenty times while just writing this piece.
After that comes the fear. That is when I’ll find out how to get through the last test. The launching of my book. I am afraid. I am very afraid, and I wish I knew how to stop time. I thought it would be challenging writing my story, but now that it is done and almost dusted, spelling corrected, and apostrophes put in the right places, it feels like a breeze. I’ve done the work. I’ve done the waiting. But soon I’ll need to do the promoting. In October my book will go online, and I’ll need people to read my book and tell their friends to buy it too. With all my travels and adventurous lifestyle, my circle is small. It comes with a buying power of a hand-full of people. Now, I have a new question to ask. All you people who know how to wait, and all of you who know how to deal with expectation. How do you do it?