Within Reach  –  Brand Lizard transparent

By now most of you know me well enough to know that I have never given birth. When I entered motherhood, it came in the form of long meetings in Spanish. Hours of prep-work for evaluations and various home-studies done by strangers who liked to rummage around my cupboards. I have been told that I was lucky because I didn’t have to put up with raging hormones and irrational food cravings. I didn’t have to research the pros and cons of epidurals, natural home-births or C-sections. Apparently when you are on the table, or in the bath or even squatting in the field, there comes a time when all you want to do is push, but sometimes it is at that point that you need to hold steady and pant or blow instead.


Throughout the process of writing my book, people have used the term “birthing your book” and this puzzled me. It didn’t feel fair to those who have actually given life to a little soul. I mean, yeah, writing is not easy. Putting your thoughts and feeling out on a page can be excruciating at times. Especially if you know that not only are strangers going to read it but so are those closest to you. Then, once everything is said and done (or in this case edited), you still have to go through to the next phase which for me is agonizing. Publishing and marketing. For a shy extrovert like me, that part of the process takes more guts than being on the edge of a building. Standing tall and shouting out, ‘World look at me, I have something to say,’ is more of a torment than actually showing my truth to everyone.

Luckily for me, I have Joanne Fedler Media backing me. It consists of a team of people who support me. They pick me up when I am unsure and show me the direction I am going in. I have to confess that in the dead of night when no one is looking, I have fantasised that when the time comes to bring my book out, it will be the one that arrives on shelves and online stores unhindered and glitch free. Newly published. Freshly released. No fear of pooping on the table. No worry of tearing or pulling muscles and definitely no Braxton Hicks contractions for me.

I am almost there. It may not be quite as clean as I hoped it would be. There have ereader-1973638_1920.jpgbeen minor delays leaving me feeling unhinged. I’ve needed to be reminded that I can take control of somethings and not others. I’ve had a false start or two but as we speak I know that the printing has been set in motion. A paper book is on its way into being and then in a little over two weeks it becomes available online. You will be able to get it at your favourite Amazon, Booktopia and almost every other online platform. You will even be able to go to a bookshop and order it. Kindle, Kobo, Apple and any other E-device will hold the title “But They Look So Happy” by Xanti Bootcov. I am working on something special for people in Joburg – and if I get it right they will be able to order it directly here on my website – I’ll keep you posted about that.

In the end, I feel like I did have Braxton’s, and the waiting is killing me. But I am finally on the table with the end in sight. I pooped myself. I want to push but they are telling me to pant and I’m wondering if it is too late for the friggin’ epidural. The sweat is pouring down my face and all I can say is, “Please be patient. I’m bloody birthing a book.”

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